Even after hundreds of deployments to production, after passing all tests and approval in the change request form or release plan, I still find myself anxious when the change is about to live. Even after dozens of public speaking sessions, from dozens to hundreds of audience, after weeks of preparation, I still find my heart beating faster than usual when it's time for me to speak. Often, it's mixed with stomache and cold, sweaty palms. But this post is not about deployment, public speaking, or how my body reacts when I anxious, it's about life itself.
That time when I was about to give my talk at IDSW 2024 and my smartwatch alerted me that my high heart rate went to the roof.
I'm not a fan of any kind of change, small or big. I prefer to keep my comfort zone, my status quo, as is. But we know that life doesn't operate that way. It never has and never will. One thing that constant in life is the change itself. And with every change, there will be challenges.
Man, life will always ready to give you challenges, like nonstop. Even when you are prepared, may be worse when you unprepared. Growing up, I always had this mindset. I've got to be ready for anything. Sometimes, I put myself in uncomfortable and unfamiliar situations to get the experience so that I can level up. This is me gamifying my life. And once in a while, I remind myself about this quote:
Life does not get easier, you just get stronger.
Yes, I knew I've gotten stronger. I get calmer when things happen. Do you want to know what the trick is? It's simple. Think of the hardest challenge you've ever faced. If the current challenge is not as hard as before, it will somehow makes you feel lighter. But if it becomes the new hardest challenge, just remember that there will still be tomorrow, and the future holds even more to-be-coming-soon hardest challenges in store. 😌
Lately, I've been trying new things. Dare I say it's a mental exercise. Sometimes, when I'm alone, I'm thinking about the next inevitable milestones in my life. Whether they're good or bad. When they're good, I tell myself to be more grateful and give my best to achieve them. When they're bad... I tell myself that everything is going to be okay, and eventually I'll get through it.
This might sound depressing. Yes, I think so too! But I think it's a good mental exercise to be prepared for the worst. It's okay to embrace any kind of feelings that you have. But don't let them overwhelm you. You have to balance it with the good feelings too.
You might have tried to self-analyze the cause of your anxiety or nervousness. Well, I've tried that too. But unless we are skilled in psychology and/or human brain, our analysis might be wrong. You can ask ChatGPT or your favorite AI assistant, but please do not eat their answers right away. It's a thousand times better to visit a human psychologist.
Anyway, whatever the root cause of our anxiety and fear of changes/challenges, I wish we can accept it, forgive it maybe, I don't know. But at least, please remember that you got to be kind to yourself, to anyone else. Life's already hard enough, I wish we can always make life a little bit easier for each other.
"So, surely with hardship comes ease. Surely with ˹that˺ hardship comes ˹more˺ ease."
At the end of the day, life goes on. We have to move forward, carry on. Befriend our fear. Be grateful for everything.
Cheers.